How to tell if your company is doomed.

Today marks month month and a day since i stop working for the The New Straits Times.

Can't say that I miss working there, but, the boredom at home does get to me sometimes.
I did manage to complete a few things since i stopped work, even finished reading a book. Yet, I can't help to think that I might be actually wasting time.


I REALLY can't wait for the local u offer to come in, so I KNOW what i can do next.


But, somewhere deep inside of me (and i mean really deep), i DO miss work. (so i lied, sue me.)

I used to take great pride in opening a new box of staples and informing them that they worked for me and i was their undisputed ruler. But eventually I had to stop naming them individually because it was such and emotional roller coaster when one went crooked. This may be off the point but if anybody sees Walter, tell him I miss him.

And when it came to avoiding work, it's fair to say I studied with the masters. My colleagues there thought me everything there was to know about looking busy without actually being busy. During that time, I actually thought their avoidance of work was in the best interest of the company and something to be proud of.

Pretending to work. Its your ticket to freedom.

I learned that as an employee, you need a strategy for survival. You need to develop your ability to appear productive without actually spending time or energy. Your very life is at stake!

Based on my painstaking research (there wasn't much of it, but it hurt.), I have concluded that there are three types of employees:

1. Those who work hard regardless of the compensation (Idiots)
2. Those who avoid work, thus appearing lazy (Idiots)
3. Those who avoid work while somehow appearing to be productive (Contended Employees)

I also learned that the boss always generates many meaningless tasks for the employees. Most of the meaningless assignments go to people who are unfortunate enough to fall into one of these categories:

1. The person who sits closest to the boss' office
2. The first person who asks a related question
3. The next person who enters the boss' office.

You should NEVER under any circumstances inquire about something that is not part of your job description. Your questions will be interpreted as interest in taking on new work. By virtue of asking the question you become elevated to the position "most appropriate" for any meaningless assignment in that area.

OH, and another thing.

For men, swearing can help them bond with other men. Men are expected to swear, so it means little when they do. There is no shock value.

For example, if a man comes to the office of another man and offers to show him a report, a typical response (which i actually heard once) would be, "Ah, shove it up your ass and die la."

Then both laugh and spit, creating a lifelong bond that cannot be broken. It's not pretty, but swearing has its place among men, albeit a minor one.

For woman though, it's very different. Swearing by them can be shocking and attention-grabbing. It is a sign of female power and disregard for boundaries.

for instance:

A man comes to a woman's office and offers to show her a report. The woman responds by saying "Ah, shove it up your ass and die la." The man will momentarily be stunned. It is unlikely he will pull up a chair. Nor will he experience any bonding.He will probably back slowly out the door and the woman will have time to get other things done.

But what about the repercussions?

Well, fortunately for her, all men are trained at birth to accept verbal abuse from women and get over it rather quickly.

I've learned that:

Man swears at woman = six-year prison sentence
Woman swears at woman = How would I know?
Person swears at computer = Improved operation

So, keep fresh, happy and efficient! Set a target, then get out of the way. Let art happen. Sometimes idiots can accomplish WONDERFUL things.

(: