This is for all us boys out there. It took me a few weeks to finish, but here it is! thank you baby for the inspiration. HAHA.
Imagine this. Your sitting one day on your couch and your about to watch the big game on TV. Opening your second beer, relaxed with the knowledge that the pizza you've ordered is on the way. Nothing could improve this moment, except maybe a bigger TV. Suddenly, your gf walks into the room and asks, "What exactly do you think you're doing?
Is this a trick question?
So YES! The trick is that no matter how you answer it, you will immediately find yourself probably doing something for her or with her, most likely spending the afternoon trying to decide which dress looks best on her.
How does this work?
It has much to do with the nature of the question itself . Girls are EXPERTS at posing questions that seem to have no right answer. For example,
"Do I look fat?"
There is no answer to this questions that won't be interpreted as a "yes". "NO" means "YES". "YES" means "YES". "I dont know" means yes. "It doesnt matter" means "yes". Even the briefest pause before speaking means "YES YES YES". I bet most guys would rather be kicked in the balls than face this question, yet, this question might be asked several times a week. Your ONLY real choice is to say NO, clearly and immediately, leaving no possibility for any subtext, and making it sound like a widely acknowledged fact, not just merely your opinion. This doesnt usually work however, but all the other options are worse.
There are several other questions for which "NO" is the only answer, and several other questions that call for an emphatic "YES" In all of these cases, any elaboration or attempt to be funny( i REALLY know this) is just unlikely to pay off.
JUST SAY NO:
Is there someone else?
Do you still fantasise about your ex?
Are you bored of me?
Are you really going to wear that?
Are you watching that (that being the biggest football match ever)?
JUST SAY YES:
Do you still love me?
Do you ever fantasise about me?
Do you like my hair in this style?
Am i prettier than her?
Are you listening to what i'm saying?
However, this is only restricted to these types of cases, for some of the inquires from our "better" halves are more like riddles. For example,
"Which shoes do i wear?"
Most probably in this situation, you're already late for dinner and she confronts you, with one pair of shoes on and another in her hand. This is NO ordinary choice. Its like the devious chicken/egg puzzle. If you pick the shoes she already has on, she'll think you're trying to hurry her. If you pick the other pair, she'll think its because you know you cant pick the ones she has on already. Some guys try a third choice, an unoffered pair of shoes, but this will inevitably be taken as an attack on her judgement. On NO account suggest another dress. For you might as well say, "You're fat." This raises the question of why is she asking you at all. She knows you dont know which shoes look better, and she knows you dont really care, so why is she trying to elicit your opinion. Listen up boys, this is all a part of an ongoing to domesticate you. As part of the same campaign, she will occasionally consult you about other things where a simple "beats me" should do the trick. BUT dont try that with the shoe dillemma, or you'll miss your reservation. Instead suggest that she try on the other shoes, then tell her the first is better. This lets you more or less off the hook, as long as you dont raise a fuss when she decides (and she probably will) that the second pair are better after all.
Some questions should be answered with another question. See how easily some of the more difficult leading questions can be parried through the simple deployment of reflexive interrogation.
Her: Where do you see this relationship going?
You: Where do YOU see this relationship going?
Her: Do you think she's hot?
You: Who??
Her: What if I were pregnant?
You: Are you pregnant?
Her: Why? Do i look fat??
WHOOPS!! OK, we're in a bit of trouble here. You should have seen that coming. Try a different approach...
Her: What if I were pregnant?
You: What if WE were pregnant? (see, dodged a bullet right there!)
"Do you believe in fidelity?"
Like most philosophical questions that seem to pop up out of the blue, this question, however, doesnt. This questions is in fact a coded inquiry about the extent of your fidelity. Thus, your resposnse will also have to be coded. Consult the examples below:
YOU SAY - Yes
YOU MEAN - How much does she know?
SHE THINKS - He's hiding something.
YOU SAY - It depends
YOU MEAN - How much does she know?
SHE THINKS - I knew it!
YOU SAY - Why do you ask?
YOU MEAN - How much does she know?
SHE THINKS - Bastard!!
YOU SAY - I dunno. Do You?
YOU MEAN - How much does she know?
SHE THINKS - How much does he know??
Honestly, by the time you are asked this question, you are already in deep trouble. It doesnt really matter what you say, as long as you dont blush when you answer!
Now, lets look at straightforward lying.
"What are you looking at?"
She means, "You were looking at that girl, weren't you?" And here you thought that you perfected that trick of keeping your neck still and just letting your eyes turn. Obviously, the truth is not the best answer here. We all now the truth sets you free, sometimes even before you've found someone else you can date. It may seem easy to answer this question with a cunning lie, but when men are caught off-guard, their ability to lie is impaired.
Here are a few common mistakes men make when asked this question.
Too specific: I was looking at the rust around the bolts on the handle of the flap of the mailbox on the northwest corner.
Not specific enough : That thing.
Too good to be true : A diamond necklace in that window back there would be perfect on you.
Too obvious : Nothing
Way too obvious : That sexy babe with the really big... err... nothing!
Well, basically, what ever the question, what you answer is up to you. HOWEVER, there is only one question that you should never, ever answer. Keep silent, cower behind the wall, pretend you didnt hear, run away, whatever, but dont say anything when she asks:
Should I get my hair cut?
If you say anything, then when she does get her hair cut (and let's face it, she's already made up her mind) and she hates it (and she will hate it), it'll be your fault. Even if you say absolutely nothing, the best you can hope for is that she will come home with her hair cut, stare you straight in the eye and say:
"Does it make me look fat?"
..... You're on your own.....
4 years ago